Without Balls: A No More Heroes Fanfic
by xGraciferx
Summary: Summary inside. M for language and themes.


**A/N:** _This is not my first fanfic, but it's the first I've actually had the balls to post online. His story is the result of a combination of inspiration from just finishing the second game, and utter stir-crazy boredom because we've been snowed in for the last four days. Don't like OCs? Well tough shit, because your comments aren't changing anything. So, let the criticism begin, don't hold back, kids._

**Summary: **_Travis and OC discussing their sex lives. Rated __**M**__ for language and themes. __**TravisxOC**__, slight __**Helter/SkelterxOC**__, and __**TravisxSylvia**__. This is a __**ONESHOT**__ for now, but that could change in the future._

**Disclaimer: **_Unfortunately, I don't own No More Heroes or No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle. Would be pretty damn awesome if I did though, eh?_

_**-Written in Travis's POV-**_

I barely cared enough to glance up when the sound of my hotel room door opening reached my ears. I knew all too well who it was, after all. She lingered under the doorframe for a moment, no doubt disgusted and shocked by the filthy state of my hotel room. I wasn't in the best of moods, I had just defeated the 7th ranked assassin, Ryuji, in a fair, honorable battle, only to watch Sylvia intervene and gun the traditional, graceful swordsman down like a common thug. Not to mention, in other news, I, for some ungodly reason, clearly had enough pity to shelter the brother I had promised a death threat to in his hour of need.

"Jayde," I greeted from my room as I softly petted my severely overweight cat, Jeane. The feline let out a satisfied purr and rolled over. My brother Henry twitched and grunted in his sleep, no doubt plagued by vivid nightmares.

"Hey Travis," she smiled and waved awkwardly. But I guess she was cute in her own way. Jayde lived in the hotel room next door to mine. She was damn attractive; tall, smokin' body, dark sexy hair, topped off with a very feisty ego. Our love for violence and revenge as well as our fighting skills had caused us to grow into close friends over the last few years of being neighbors. However, despite her skill wielding a beam katana (which, might I add, was _almost_ as excellent as mine, but I was still capable of kicking her ass), she chose not to take part in the UAA. She always claimed she would fight for herself before she sold out to fight for any corporation.

She cocked her head in confusion at the shirtless figure on my bed as she peeked through the doorframe to my room. "Is that _Henry_?" she spoke his name as if it were the most unbelievable thing in the world.

"Don't ask why he's here," I grumbled irritably, scratching behind Jeane's ears. She rubbed her face on my hand, pining for more attention.

Jayde only laughed at what she assumed was my denial. "Getting soft now, are we Travis?" I flinched, but reminding myself that half of the things that came out of her mouth were an honest attempt to piss me off, I didn't fight back. I wasn't aiding Henry out of the-goodness-of-my-heart or whatever shit she would call it. She disappeared from the doorframe, and I heard her flop onto my couch and make herself at home in front of my TV. "So, I hear rumors you're back in the UAA," her vouce sounded from the living room after a moment. She flipped on my recording of Bizorre Jerry 5.

"Heh, you heard right," I knew she wouldn't be too happy about it.

"I can't believe you're getting sucked back into that damn company," she laughed as I heard the BJ5 opening theme song in the background. "Oh Travis, sometimes I just don't get you."

"That feeling's always been mutual," I replied, rolling my eyes. There was a long silence between us as she watched my anime in the next room. I wondered why she always seemed to have nothing better to do than let herself into my room and pester me. I straightened up to take a Marlboro out of the pack of cigarettes on my dresser. I lit one with my Zippo lighter and took a long drag.

"So, I guess you killed Skelter, didn't you?" She finally broke the silence once again, sighing in a tone I could only assume was annoyance. I was a little taken aback by the question for a split second, but didn't give it another thought.

"Yeah, what about him?" I yawned lazily as I somehow managed to pick up Jeane. Damn, I needed to get her on a diet, she desperately needed to lose some weight.

"Did you really have to, though?" This ice queen was obviously more than a little pissed by it, but the strange part was that I couldn't tell why.

"What's with the rage?" I asked, surprised by her harsh tone. Jean's back legs kicked and flailed in my arms, wanting to be put down.

"He was really good in bed," I barely heard her mumble. I don't think she meant for me to hear it, but I did. And I immediately wished I hadn't.

My initial thought was, _What the fuck? _I dropped Jeane with a loud thud and nearly choked on the cigarette I was smoking. "Wait a minute," I coughed as I stumbled to the doorframe between my bedroom and the living room. "You—you were _sleeping_ with—"

"Skelter? Yeah." She glanced at me as she replied nonchalantly, as if it were nothing.

"Why the fuck didn't I hear anything about this?" Shit, the thought of them together pissed me off more than I cared to admit.

"I'm not required to tell you _shit_," she snapped. "My affairs are _none_ of your business."

"But why _Skelter_?" I clenched my fists until my knuckles turned white and the blue veins popped out of the skin. That fucking tattooed, albino piece of emo shit. He wasn't even _that_ good looking. I mean, she could do way better. If I had known about this before, I would have castrated that boy and _really_ made him suffer. However, my train of thought was interrupted when the realization struck that it really _was_ none of my business. So why I was I making such a big deal out of things?

"Hey, that man sure knew what he was doing," she said in an amused tone. "Not to mention, he was way better than his brother."

I think that statement surprised me even more than the first one. "You slept with _Helter_ too?"

"Yeah, up into you killed him." She spoke with malice. Clearly, this was a grudge she'd held silently since I'd murdered him.

"You slut," I shook my head and smiled to conceal my anger. So _that's_ why she refused to be a part of the UAA. It all made sense now. She could sleep with whoever she wanted and not worry about getting killed for her rank. All the same, for some reason, this sleeping around business really made my skin crawl. I crossed my arms and leaned on the doorframe, just looking at her. I pictured Skelter's hands all over her body, then Helter's. That definitely didn't help my state of mind.

"Watch your mouth," she warned as if she were my mother. "I don't make derogatory comments about you and that lying, insensitive French prick Sylvia."

"_That_," I paused for a moment and took a breath. "Is entirely different." Sure, Sylvia was hot as hell, but I'll admit her personality sucked. She was undoubtedly the most bitchy, spoiled rich girl I'd ever met, but if she wanted to fuck, what kind of fool would I be to refuse an offer like that?

"So, what should you even care about _my_ sex life?"

_Good question._

"They're _brothers_, for fuck's sake." Honestly, the thought of her going down on Helter in the room next door a few years back pissed me off even more than imagining him replaced by Skelter.

"Sylvia was _married_ to your twin brother at one time," she continued to stare at the TV and avoid looking at me. "No doubt they had _copious_ amounts of hot sex. I wonder how loose _that_ vagina is."

_Touché. _I had no good comebacks for that. I'd never really thought about it, Sylvia having been with Henry had never really bothered me before. Maybe it was because I only felt physically attracted to her. But damn, I knew it probably made me a hypocrite nonetheless.

"It's still different," I muttered, looking at the floor. No way I was giving her the satisfaction of winning this argument. "Henry and I hate each other. But Skelter died trying to avenge his brother's death, if that says anything about how close they were."

"Yeah, well," she crossed her legs. "At least Sylvia _had_ good taste."

"Whoa, hold up," I protested. I uncrossed my arms and stood up straight. "You can't seriously tell me you're more attracted to _Henry_ than you are to me?"

She turned around so she could face me. "Implying that I should be attracted to _you_ at all?"

Damn, that one hit the ego just a little bit.

She shrugged. "Here's the deal; the whole Irish accent thing _is_ a huge turn on." She leaned to the right to peer around my figure and look at my sleeping brother in awe. "Not to mention, he has a _killer_ body."

I ground my teeth together. The urge to stain my bed sheets with my brother's blood while in his vulnerable state was now stronger than ever. Then I could run back out here and say, _oh yeah, whose name do you wanna scream NOW?_

"I mean, it's not like I had feelings for him or anything," she disclaimed, interrupting my pleasant, violent fantasy. "Skelter, he really tried hard to make me love him. He wanted something more than just the unbelievably amazing sex. But maybe it was just because I made myself unattainable. You men always want what you can't have," she said this in almost an accusatory tone, but I couldn't bring myself to hold it against her. She was right, after all. "And anyway, those tender feelings just aren't for me. We were fuck buddies. Nothing more."

"So, why then? Does sleeping around the ranks make you feel powerful?" Two could play at this let's-piss-the-other-one-off game. "Does the feeling get better, the higher in rank you get? Because if that's the case, you'd be more similar to Sylvia than you ever thought."

"_Cool it_, Travis," she glared daggers at me before turning back to the TV. "I have no sort of UAA ranking complex. Skelter was just the best sex I ever had. End of story."

"Well," I added a seductive curve to my voice and leaned over the back of the couch to whisper in her ear. "I could change _that_ for you fast."

She frowned and rolled her eyes. "I'll pass." She pushed my face away from hers, blatantly rejecting me.

"Oh, come on, you always do this." I straightened up. "Gimme one good reason why we can't have sex." Did I really want her that bad?

She then flicked off the TV with the remote, stood up, and actually turned her full attention toward me. "One good reason? Hell, I've got more than one," she paused for a moment, then closed her eyes and took a breath, before smiling sweetly. "First, we happen to be good friends. If there's one thing I know, it's that sex has the potential to ruin friendships fast, and that's something I wouldn't want happening between us." Alright, I'd give her that. Typical woman worries. "Now, second," she scoffed, her expression turning sarcastic. "Your ego is bigger than the country of Russia. And no offense, but it's a huge turn off."

"Hey, ouch," her blunt insult actually surprised me.

She paused again and closed the distance between us. "And last but certainly not least," our faces were only inches apart and my heart began to race. Shit, I had the biggest erection. I was intimidated and turned on all at the same time. "The fact that you constantly bend to Sylvia's every whim is the most _sickening_ thing I have ever seen." She smirked and raised her eyebrows as she proceeded to walk around my figure into the bedroom.

"The hell I do," this bitch was off her tracks. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pinned her body against the nearest wall. "I'm no one's manservant."

"Oh _please_," she spat, unfazed by the fact that I had forced her body into a weakened position. "You, like every other man in the association, are so oblivious to the fact that she has you wrapped around her little finger, and it's excruciatingly _revolting._"

"What, are you jealous?" I challenged seductively. I hoped that would hit a nerve and send her off. She was kinda sexy when she was really angry. At the same time, I was curious as to exactly how she'd react in this submissive position.

"Fuck you," she whispered slowly in response, but didn't break our eye contact."

"Don't threaten me with a good time, babe," I came back with a sly grin.

"You wish," she licked her lips.

"Maybe I do," I leaned in, blatant, burning lust in my eyes. This was it. I could feel it. All this chasing finally led up to this.

"Keep dreaming," she continued to deny me as she smirked and raised her eyebrows.

"I'm pretty sure it won't be just a dream for much longer," the corner of her mouth twitched at that comment. Oh God, is this really happening? All these years of sexual tension, I was so ready.

"Keep this kind of attitude up," she challenged tauntingly before adding, "And I'll make sure you're the only man in the UAA _without balls._" Oh _jizz!_ What I wouldn't give for her to handle my balls. Something about the way she said it made me want to ravage her right there. It took everything I had not to rip her clothes off and fuck her senseless. And with hat, she ducked under my arms and was no longer cornered by my figure. She was such a goddamned tease. And I was loving every second of this thrilling chase. "You just run along to your next ranking battle, boner boy." She stuck her tongue out at me before she opened the front door and left my apartment.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched the door shut behind her. There was no doubt in my mind, she wanted me as bad as I wanted her. _Blue balls._ I needed to go jack off _right now_. I could tell this was gonna be fun. Sylvia was damn sexy, but I had to admit, she would never have me the way this girl did.


End file.
